In 2019 I began what was, unbeknownst to me, the ending of a cycle in my life. Over the course of six years, I suffered from extreme burnout and agoraphobia resulting in disability. Over and over I attempted to rejoin the working world, only to succumb harder and faster to this exhaustion. Consequentially, despite my years as an artist, I also stopped my craft; I simply had nothing inside me to rise to the task of creating. It was a dark time, filled with anxiety and shame-- my only income came from reading cards via the comfort and safety of my own home.
In 2021, shortly after enduring the most harrowing three months of my life, I began making art again. I think the difference, after so many idle years, is that this time I was creating for my own sanity, often in the very early hours of the morning to combat my memory of the events I was still reliving. "Make Art Now" became a mantra for me as I grappled with reality.
One of these pieces was a watercolor painting that I completed over the course of a month and a half and, much like my other work, it's final design and meaning was hidden from me until I had actually moved through the energy which inspired it.
"Hope After Decay" was sketched onto a banner-length of watercolor paper I had trimmed off for another project. I was drawn to this length of paper because I felt like it could be read like a story, drawing the eyes from left to right in a side-scrolling fashion. I also made the choice to frame out the piece in a diamond shape, imitating an ocular lens.
The main subject is a barren tree. I did not realize it at the time but the "tree" had become a symbol for myself. In late 2019, I had drawn up a barren, root-less tree with a spectrum of light radiating like a cape under it's branches.
It has only been in hindsight, laying out my work chronologically, that I can see what was being shown to me in my own work: There is a certain kind of nobility afforded to you living on the fringes of society, experiencing life as "the other" and while my external life had come to a complete standstill, within I had gained an awareness of myself and others outside of status, power, or material.
My time grappling with disability had been like sleeping and "Hope After Decay" then heralded the necessary death process and the journey away from this part of my life. This was the beginning of a new chapter where I would not let my disability dictate my place in society.
Symbols and archetypes from my years of reading cards seem to naturally permeate my work resulting in finished pieces that possess a language to be read. For "Hope After Decay", such themes as night and day, the moon and the sun, can be read as the difference between yin and yang, internal and external, rest to chaos to movement. The impending volcanic eruption is a nod to "The Tower", a card which signals disruptive change and the toppling of ruining structures. Even the mountain pass is a familiar setting for "The Fool", the first card in the original Rider Waite deck.
There are many other hidden elements within the piece that I hope the viewer can find some joy in.
More than anything, I hope that you can see your own story through my eyes: the spectrum of experience that is present within all of us-- we are sleeping, hurting and then reeling, and we are mending and thriving, striking out on new paths toward greener lands.
"Hope After Decay" is available for sale in the Houston, TX area. If you are interested in purchasing this piece and you require shipping, please message the artist Courtney Hardy via the site contact button or by email: courtney.hardy2@gmail.com